well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My cat gives me a boner
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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