We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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