I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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