I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
the liver wants what the liver wants
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
