Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
