You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Quick, to the slutcave!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
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You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
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Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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