First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
