All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
