im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
