he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
