I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
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Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
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Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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