i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
