hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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