you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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