so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
