just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
