If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots