You made me cry and you don't even care
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
only if we run a train.
done.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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