I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
