maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
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Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
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also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.