I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
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I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
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He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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