i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
