I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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