dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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