Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize