vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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