arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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