Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize