I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
