So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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