If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We have started to decorate penises.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
