we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
