I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
