I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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