It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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