We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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