If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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