the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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