A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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