I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
How's work?
Spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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