If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
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Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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