you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
