My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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