No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
