no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
