your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
