The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
This toilet bowl is my home.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
