Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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