I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
