she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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