remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
