We won't sleep together?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
