I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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