You're so nebulous sometimes
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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