I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
