If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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