Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
