I'd wear matching sweaters with you
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
